Downright Joy

Discovering joy in unexpected places – a journey into Down's syndrome, Dyspraxia & Autism

Tag Archives: #prenatal


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Green, green, grass.

cow-2643886_1280

Hazel, my daughter, loves farm animals. Cows, sheep, ducks, horses, donkeys; Old Macdonald’s entire collection amuses her. Farmyard Tales of Chloe the Cow is a favourite picture book of hers. Giggles every time we read it.

There was a time when she wouldn’t look at animals. An entire trip to a farm park or zoo and she would turn her head at every exhibit, steadfastly and determinedly look the other way.

Try as we might she wouldn’t look at the animals we’d brought her to see. Not sure why. Perhaps they scared her. Maybe they were too enormous for her to deal with. Whatever it was she blanked them.

They were not acceptable to her.

Now she is a little older she no longer shies away from those same animals. Instead she watches them, she laughs at them, though she has been known to aim a rather firm boot in their direction if they get too close.

Hazel likes a cow. Especially when it moos; it makes her giggle. She has a cuddly one at home called Daisy. Daisy the Cow.

Strange creatures if you ask me, cows. Constantly grazing. Tearing up grass and then moving on to new and better pastures. Never really satisfied, always eating.

There are over a 1000 species of cow in the world apparently. Plenty of giggles to be had then Hazel!

But there is one species of cow that I hope she never finds out about.

It’s big. It’s scary. It’s overwhelming. Most people don’t want to look at it. They’d rather pretend it wasn’t there. Look away. The proprietors of the farm parks it is usually found in are acutely aware of this fact and so have thought long and hard about to make this cow less scary, attractive even.

Its image problem is so great and potentially very damaging to its owners that they have disguised the cow. So good is the disguise that most visitors have no idea that there is a cow there at all. They do not see it. The owners have dressed it up and given it fine clothes to wear. Now it is respectable and acceptable; praiseworthy even and by rights it must be honoured. Its existence must never be questioned or its true identity revealed.

Here in the U.K this cow goes by the name of Choice, not Chloe or Daisy.

This cow is no friend to Hazel, or anyone else with an extra chromosome. This cow is not cuddly. It will not make her laugh. This cow is bred and sold by a Global Genomics Organisation. This cow is making them vast sums of money in detecting more and more babies with Down’s syndrome, in utero, all over the world.

This breed of cow is a Cash cow.

This cow is hungry but does not eat grass. It’s appetite is for children. And if you don’t believe me then watch this video to hear it from the breeders mouth. They are very pleased with their cow. It’s prizewinning. Best in show.

I’ve seen this cow; I wonder if you have too?

And now that I’ve seen it I refuse to look away and cannot remain neutral, for this is a cow that will affect my daughter and anyone else with an extra chromosome for years to come. It doesn’t just affect the unborn, though they are the ones the cow desires the most. This cow affects people I love. People I value. People who have as much right to breathe the same air as the rest of us. People.

I cannot look another person with Down’s syndrome in the eye and celebrate their lives whilst ignoring this cow or trying to remain neutral. You see this cow thinks children, and by association, people with Down’s syndrome should be screened out, devoured before they are even born. This cow deems them worthless and disposable, yet at the same time sees pound signs over their heads and goes all out in search of them.

Priceless rubbish.

This cow tried to devour my child but failed. It wants the likes of her screened out prenatally. This cow will do all it can to devalue her life and the lives of others with Down’s syndrome. It is in no danger of starving; the grass is very green and business is booming.  This cow is not remotely interested in offering women choice in their pregnancy, only in limiting it. I hope my daughter never finds out about this cow. Sadly, many people with Down’s syndrome will have found out about this cow and may wonder what they have done wrong to deserve such treatment. How unimaginably distressing to find out you are so despised.

Neutrality is not an option for me. I know I am not able to stop this cow; I am no match for it, that’s for certain. But I will face it and call it by its name as long as it feeds anywhere near me and the people I love.

This cow isn’t called Daisy and it certainly isn’t called Choice.

Its real name is Discrimination, its breed is Deceptive and its origins are in Eugenics.

We must stare it out.

 

H on farm

For more information go to:

Don’t Screen Us Out

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Poetry in Motion

Butterfly poem

I’ve discovered a love for poetry in recent years. A passion awakened by hearing the late, extraordinary Mary Oliver read her poem ‘Wild Geese’. An experience that had a profound effect on me at the time. Now, her words, hand painted, hang from my living room wall. Words that made me gasp and caused my heart to sing. Words that still do. The power of the spoken word, especially spoken by the one who crafted it,  is immense.

I’ve always imagined sharing these treasures with my children. And I’ve started to, with my eldest. I shared another poem, by the same author ‘I worried’, with her recently. Her anxious face lit up as I read. Someone else knew how she felt. It gave her confidence. It affirmed her. She was not alone. She loves words too and is beginning to discover the sheer joy of poetry. Of words used well.

My youngest child, who has Down’s syndrome, is largely non verbal. She has very few, if any words. She may not yet have the words to say to us but our words matter hugely to her. And poetry is, it seems, a powerful form of expression for her too. The spoken word. Only the other day, I found her looking at the Ipad over her sister’s shoulder, as they watched Michael Rosen perform a poem he had written. She could not repeat a single word but was utterly captivated by his expression, his story telling and his passion for the subject – Chocolate Cake. He brought words to life and enabled her to share in his delight. Unlocking a subject she knew little about in a glorious way. There’s nothing quite like the joy of hearing a non verbal child laughing like a drain!

Words, or more importantly, how we use them have the power to unlock or close down.  As we approach another World Down Syndrome Day I see many people online spreading a message through their words and pictures of what life is really like to live with Down’s syndrome. Telling a story of hope, fulfillment and community. They do so for good reason.

All too often, the words offered to pregnant women and their partners when the subject of screening for Down’s syndrome comes up, are words that close down. Words that shut out possibilities. Words that paint a bleak picture. Words that may offer sympathy but that do not offer hope. There is no power in pity.

It’s time this changed. We know the reality. You see we have a passion for the subject. And we can tell these parents a different story. We can use words that can unlock their dreams and their hopes and their plans again. We have the words that can dispel the myths, whilst being able to acknowledge their fears; we were in their shoes once too. We have the words to give them confidence. The words to affirm them as parents who will be able to love and cherish their child regardless of an extra chromosome. We have the words to show them that their child is not going to be defined by a list of medical issues or learning disabilities. We can bring words to life. Real life. Their lives.

We want these parents to be given the opportunity to talk with or learn from families who are living lives that include Down’s syndrome. Living lives not of medical reference but of poetry that reflect the highs and the lows of bringing up a child with Down’s syndrome. We want to be able to unlock a subject they may know little about and invite them to discover for themselves the joy that is to be found in the life of a person with Down’s syndrome.

Poetry in motion. Lives well lived. 

Sadly, here in the U.K. there are no second chances for the 90 percent of babies who are detected as having Down’s syndrome in the womb. Their prospect of life is brought to an end. Discriminated against before they even draw breath.

We need to get this right. Words need to change and the voices of those who know must be heard – especially at that most critical time of screening and diagnosis in pregnancy.

Mary Oliver is famous for many words, but perhaps, most poignantly, she asked the question,

“What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

It’s not the only question that deserves a careful answer.

 

For more information on Down’s syndrome from people who really know please check out these great resources:

Positive About Down Syndrome

Down’s Syndrome Research Foundation

Wouldn’t Change a Thing

Down’s Syndrome Association

Lose the Label